I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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