Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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