i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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