So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
