He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
