My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
