I think I won the penis lottery.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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