I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
