Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
