Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize