i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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