you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
