Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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