highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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