I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
