we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
