SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
