She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
