I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
