Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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