Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
