just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
