He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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