hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
