Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
