I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
