just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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