Plan B is the new Plan A
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
