Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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