Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
