I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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