I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
