I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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