Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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