I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
