He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm really busy with my period
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