Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
