I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
