I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
