don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
