I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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