I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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