nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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