I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
