Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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