cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
