Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
