Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
