You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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