your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize