i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
