This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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