She's JV to your varsity
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
