Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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