I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
