Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
