um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
