Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize