Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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