The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
