he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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