We're like a lot better than the average bears
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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