I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
