I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
