So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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