Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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