Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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